As I was out of town this past weekend, my cell rebelled. It first played with me by pretending to remain charged at 100% far past the point where that was even possible, and then it died. I tried to resuscitate it, I gave it fresh round of CPR (cell phone repair), I charged it with the highest octane electric I could find, but alas, it had breathed its last.
The problem, I was in the Jewish Alps, the Borsht Belt, the Catskills, and I am now an expert on Cell phone repair options for most of those 100 miles; in a word, NONE.
I began my few stages of grief. I called my therapist (on someone else’s phone of course) and he was not sympathetic enough so I of course I fired him. I figured I would rough this tragedy all by myself. It would be Tuesday a five day delay until I could get it fixed (without ruining my
family trip to spend a day to get it addressed), and one of them was Shabbat, when I dont even use my phone. So, all in all, I figured I could do it, a 4 day break from my phone.
Turns out I am addict. All the things the experts say about our addiction to our phones are true. I couldn’t function for the first day. I had this involuntary jerking motion of my right hand to my side where my phone holster lives/ed and, as much as I knew my phone wasn’t there, that didn’t stop my hand from doing its own thing.
I couldn’t drive, because how can you got anywhere without your GPS? Follow directions and street signs? So, 1990’s 🙄.
I couldn’t find my wife and kids, because that would actually require me to get up and look for them, verses the completely normal thing, like texting them, “where r u?”
It got progressively worse. I had a few spare minutes that weren’t designated with something to fill my brain with, and that right arm did its thing again, to get the phone so I could scroll some FB or Instragram, and well, no phone, I had to actually be stuck there, in the mountains, with only my thoughts. Oy! Pain.
I started getting sweats and other ailments, as more and more of my life unravelled as I couldn’t function like a normal human being, without my phone.
I mean, even my jog, which is one of my joys on vacation, was ruined since I actually had to look, and breathe and be mindful of what was around me. Imagine, having to look at gorgeous scenery, tall trees, fields of green grass as far as the eye can reach, rivers, and Dams, and other natural beauty was all I could do. If only my phone was working, I could drown these sights out with music or better, important news, about what new crisis was happening in Washington.
I tell you, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. To have to endure such pain, is just not human.
Well, day three arrived and weird thing happened. I guess I was detoxing, but I stopped missing my phone. And then, that’s when the really crazy stuff happened.
Turns out I have 7 kids, 4 of whom who were with us. Turns out they speak, and are really great company.
Apparently, if you sit on a hammock with a couple of your children and no phone, they speak and say some of the funniest and wisest things. Shocking, I know, but true.
Turns out, if you dont have your cell nearby, you might find a child of yours that could use your attention to teach them how to ride a bike. In fact, if your face is not turned towards a phone, they may even learn to ride that bike in under 2 days.
Found out a number of new things, but here are just a few more.
Shockingly, my wife likes it when I look at her when she speaks, when I smile when she makes a funny comment. My ears suddenly started working and that I hear her when she asks me to take out the garbage.
Turns out that the miracle of creation can actually be seen.
Sometimes, you just need to experience a little bit of loss to realize that actually you found something so much better.
Alas, all sad things must come to an end, and my phone, now sporting a fresh new battery has rejoined my life. Relegating that wonderful fantasy into the dumpster of history? However, this near death experience has taught me that it may just be time to slow down and smell the roses, and perhaps leave the phone at home by mistake/on purpose more often, and allow my phone-sickness to heal a bit.
Just a thought… quick let me text that to someone… just kidding…